Monday, March 26, 2012

One of those Days.........

A lot of my posts are the fun, happy, somewhat blissful and serene days in our home. They are the happy times. We don't usually get out the camera when we're arguing or up to our knees in work and a messy house. We really do have a wonderful life and feel very blessed and happy but we are the normal family with normal problems too. I don't always write about the hard days. Sometimes I do. But, not pictures were taken today. It was a day that would probably, normally not get blogged. But I do want to remember these kinds of days too. Hard days, not bad days.....just harder than most.
So, here goes:

Sometimes, I just get so burnt out. I gather all my patience and make an effort to be a good mom on a day that I'm sore and tired and doing it alone (Dad was sick yesterday and today and has been in bed with a horrible headache and allergy sinus crud, poor guy). At the end of the day I just feel more sore, tired and burnt out.

I had a meeting this morning. Left all 3 kids home with sick Dad (Elder Trythall was in attendance at the meeting and it was my last ward council probably so I really wanted to go). I came home and they were all alive and happy but I was already tired. Lunch, get the kids dressed for church. Dominic arguing, Penny not following directions very well, Michael sucking the toothpaste out of his toothpaste tube......I was already getting agitated. Not a good sign.

Church was stressful with Michael crawling around on my lap, trying to lift my dress so he can put his face on the baby (which is just a belly for now) and standing, sitting, squirming all over my 8 month pregnant lap. Penny trying to sit reverently but having no guidance from her mother because my hands (and lap) were already full and she kept forgetting that singing "finiculi finicula" was not appropriate out loud during sacrament meeting. Dominic getting bored and putting his head down on the arm rest or wiggling his loose tooth and sucking saliva back into his mouth. It was not a pretty picture for the family behind us, I'm sure. I finally picked up Michael and shuffled him a few pew's back to a family with more than willing arms (and laps) to keep him entertained since Daddy was at home sick. Penny and I got to sit in reverence and Dominic came and sat closer to the now reverent atmosphere. Ahhhh, that was better.

Fast forward to after church. Racing from room to room trying to get things put away from YW meanwhile my kids bang on the piano in the YW room. I asked Dominic to play quietly but he kept forgetting and banged on it time and time again. Nobody else was playing as loud as he yet somehow he just couldn't help it and kept banging louder and louder. After the 5th time asking him to play quiet, I finally just tell him not to touch the piano keys anymore. He's bugged and the loud piano has left me agitated again. Walking 3 kids to the bishops office to turn in tithing, camp forms, activity receipts etc and then to the car only to realize that I forgot to turn in camp money. Buckle kids in the car, tell them to stay put as I run back in to turn in one more thing. High heals and pregnancy don't really go hand in hand. Ahhh, driving home. Fighting ensues.
"Seriously kids, stop tattling."
"Dominic, you're 10, she' 4. Penny, stop being a stinker"
"Michael, stop screaming."

Oh, lets sing a song.

Home. Sean's still sleeping. All I want to do is crawl onto the couch and not move a muscle but Michael is hungry. But wait, he finds the play dough. That should buy me a few minutes. Rolling play dough snakes for Michael over and over, but at least I get to sit on the couch.
"Dominic, stop being loud. Dad is sleeping"
"No seriously, stop being loud."
Why does he forget direction after only 5 seconds?
"Dominic, please find a quiet something to do.

Get up after 30 minutes and decide I should get some dinner going, its just past 6pm. Warm up some soup from a few nights ago and biscuits. Dominic wants salmon and rice and there isn't enough soup for everyone so I start a second meal. He and Penny play in the living room doing something that creates crying every 2 minutes.
"Find a new game"
Nobody wants to play the same game. Dominic whines, Penny cries.
"Seriously (I say that a lot I think), find another game or don't play together. Its ridiculous Dominic that you give your 4 year old sister ultimatums about what she has to play with you. Penny, if you don't want to play what Dominic suggests make a different suggestion but crying is not an option. You're too old for that."

Frustrated, Penny comes to help clear the table.

Smoothie: 2 handfuls Fresh spinach, 1/4 orange, coconut milk, carrot juice, 7 strawberries, 1/4 banana, 1/4 apple, 1/4 avacado, 5 slices frozen peach.

Yummm, thats a good smoothie. Penny and Michael get soup and biscuits (and Daddy joins us for dinner). Salmon and rice finish cooking and Dominic and I eat too. Everyone eating and happy. I found cookies balls in the freezer from the last time we made cookies and I start a batch. So nice for everyone to have a home cooked meal and I really didn't have to cook anything (well, the salmon and rice, but that's super easy). Michael says "Barack Obama" Penny says, "No, McCain!" Daddy and  I look at each other and try to figure out what the heck our kids are talking about as they go back and forth with this same dialogue. Sean's annoyed by it. Dominic explains the conversation came from an AFV they watched on Friday with the babysitter. I laugh. Dad's headache still in full force tells them to stop, takes some medicine and goes back to bed.

Funny conversation about Barack Obama ensues with Penny. She wonders if her uncle Nephi would make a good president. I tell her yes and she begins to chant "Nephi, Nephi, Nephi." over and over.
"Penny, eat your food."

The normal food battle occurs but really not too bad tonight. I really only have to convince her to drink her smoothy. She seems to not like them as much as everyone else but she drinks them anyways. Meanwhile Michael had 3 glasses of it so I know it was yummy, I think she just likes to put up the front that she doesn't like them.

Fast forward through cleaning up dinner and living room. Dominic is an awesome help and empties the dishwasher and helps straighten the living room. Its 8pm and Michael bonks his head and melts down. I can barely walk him up the stairs my body hurts so bad, but I do and Sean puts him to bed. He's out in 30 seconds because he doesn't usually get a nap on Sundays now that we've switched to afternoon church. I lay on the bed upstairs while Penny and Dominic begin arguing downstairs about what game to play again. Argh, this is so frustrating to listen to because they are both being turds....but one is 4 and the other is 10. I expect more from my 10 year old. Dominic comes up to tattle even though we just had an FHE earlier this week on tattling vs reporting. I give him some minor direction about how to suggest things to a four year old and not sound like a desperate whiner and tell him to figure it out. I tell him to get cookies and milk and then come get ready for bed. He makes Penny come upstairs and ask if she can have soy milk even though she says she doesn't need to ask. She's right, why did he make her come ask? Dominic, stop being controlling, if I say go get cookies and milk I don't care what kind of milk she wants, rice. She can choose for herself.

Fast forward to getting ready for bed. I'm downstairs finishing cleanup. Both have gotten themselves ready for bed (thank you!!). Penny is looking at 2 bionicles and Dominic is in bed and ready to go to sleep and wants Penny to do the same.
 "Penny, put those down and turn off the light please, I'm really tired."
"But I want to look at these for a minute."
"I'm tired Penny, its time for bed, put them down and go to bed."
"I want to look at these for a minute."
"No Penny, I'm tired. Turn off the light."

To which Dominic then gets out of bed and comes to tell me Penny won't stop playing with bionicles. ARgh!!!!
"Dominic, why didn't you just tell her to take them to her bed to look at them and turn on her lamp (she's on the bottom bunk) so that the big light could go off. Why are you tattling to me when you should be able to offer a suggestion that works for both of you! This is so frustrating. Tattling is only getting worse since our FHE."

 To which Penny then breaks down crying...
"Mom, I knew it was tattling and decided to just keep it in my head instead of come and tell you. He's the one who decided to tattle, but I didn't tattle because I knew you didn't want us to." --She's really distraught and talking through her tears. I failed to notice that she was trying to remain calm and solve it on her own the best way that she knew how.
"Dominic, the 4 year old gets it. Whats the deal?"
 "Sorry mom. I guess I thought I didn't have another choice."
"Well you do. Its not your job to force what you want on someone, find something that works for the both of you. That's what I do when I have to get up here to solve it......but  now its just time you learn to do it instead of me. Stop using me to solve your little battles."

Hugging Penny. She really was trying and I didn't even notice.

I start reading a book to Penny after she gets in bed.
"Mom, we didn't read scriptures."
"Yes, you're right Dominic. Lets do that."
He has such a good heart.
Penny reads a verse out loud, I read 5 verses out loud. Dominic is on the top bunk so he just listens.
We discuss what we read for a minute. Moroni building fortifications around the Nephite cities and driving all the Lamanites south.
"Okay, say your prayers kiddos. Its time for bed."

I finish reading the book to Penny and then rub her hair till she falls asleep.

Downstairs now. Its quiet. I feel like I failed as mom today. So frustrated so often. Recommit to tomorrow. Get to bed. Will I be able to handle 4 kids? I realize, I say this each time a new one is on the way.....and then I do handle it and love it more than before. I can't imagine life the way it was before.

Being a mom is hard.....but it's so great. I help shape them and they in turn do the same.
I love us.

And, I hope Dad feels better tomorrow............single pregnant mom to 3.85 kids is sooo hard!


cambridgeclan said...

The memories you brought back. You of course will do great with 4 kids.

Julia Harps said...

dang. I remember the fatigue at the end of a pregnancy. Hang in there but slow down. No need to do it all supermom! You are wonderful!

Lisa said...

If it makes you feel any better Sunday was a REALLY hard day for me too. In fact I think the last two Sundays were. I don't know why, they just were. I always equate everything to exercise- you have to break a muscle down so you can build it up. I know you know you are growing through your struggles. There seem to be certain universals when it comes to our experiences as mothers, and I think you hit on one of them. I'm sure you are long past it by the time you read this comment, but just know that you are doing great! Your belly is so beautiful and I can't wait to meet your new little baby. Sending love.

Lisa said...

Oh, and on a practical note, I really find that taking 10 minutes to stretch at night REALLY helps a sore body- especially during pregnancy and postpartum when you are working so hard. Stretching, meditating, classical music, and some hot tea. =)